You're Invited! But your kids aren't.

It's been a few weeks, but with reason.  See, anxious, neurotic me decided to throw a surprise party for my husband's 40th birthday....you can imagine how well the planning went, the execution was a bit shaky but the end result was perfect.  I'd post a picture of his face when he walked into the back door to find most of his cousins, mom and sister in from Wisconsin, and a handful of friends waiting in the kitchen under a big ole batman birthday banner...

I actually cleaned my house very well prior to this, should've taken photographic evidence.

But I didn't get one of his face.  Somehow I made it through unscathed, no heart attack or stroke, though the few days prior to the party were the absolute worst.  Hiding cupcakes, decorations, finding popcorn in big enough bags (outdoor movie theatre party), people not RSVP'ing, keeping myself within a budget; it was quite a lot for this full-time-working-mom-also-dealing-with-three-kids-who-can't-keep-secrets to do.

This face can't keep secrets.

And then we had the issue of kids.  I already knew what was happening with mine; an 8pm start time meant mine would (should) be tucked away in bed sleeping peacefully and blissfully unaware of the shenanigans occurring just outside in the backyard.  The elder A might not sleep but I knew she'd be pleased as punch to have a camp out in the living room with her own stack of movies, candy and bags of popcorn.  All-in-all, I knew mine would be out of the way which to me was important.  With that in mind, I went ahead and designated this event as adults only.  (There was one exception which was my sister-in-law traveling from out of state who is still breastfeeding.  Her baby is small and not yet walking, aka- won't get trampled by adults boozing it up.)

I knew it would make waves.  I knew it would add to my stress.  I knew I'd lose friends for a while, until the time at which they decide they're over it.  But I also knew how uncomfortable I was with children of running around age but not yet of staying-put-when-told-to-stay-put age out and about when there was alcohol afoot.  (I'm not of the opinion that 'kids are kids and will be wild!', I'm of the 'kids will get out of hands in situations where it is not appropriate for them to do so and it is my job as a PARENT to correct that behavior so it doesn't ruin everyone else's fun' persuasion.)  Plus, cranky children up past their bedtime?  No bueno.  Were it a family birthday party, things may have been different.  This, however, was an adult's birthday party late at night.

Now, at first I felt my actions hypocritical.  On the few occasions we've been invited to weddings where children haven't been allowed and I've griped and scowled and pouted but eventually moved on (these weddings also had open bars, and had we the money and time off we probably would've made every attempt possible to find a sitter and attend).  However, they were weddings during the day with children in the wedding party.  A) How boring to be a young child admitted into a wedding where there'd be only one or two others to chase and play with.  B) I always viewed a wedding as a family affair.  Our children are part of the families we are joining together as well.

Naturally, my particular party didn't go off without any hitch in the child area.  The two babies made known their dissent with the idea of a bedtime, the two-year-old collected several balloons and refused to be brought upstairs without them, the eldest had to be reminded her party was inside.  And so on.  All-in-all, however, I felt it was the best decision we could've made.

This doesn't free me from the drama.

Since then I've read bits and pieces such as "your priorities change when you're a MOM" and "those things where you can't bring your children aren't fun anymore when you're a MOM".  I guess my brain didn't get the memo, because I had a blast (before the heartburn kicked in).  I'm more of the belief that if you enjoy an occasional adult night out with adult beverages and adult conversation, you'll be more likely to find a sitter (barring finances and sitter availability of course) and go out and have a good time.  And if you're not a big fan of such things, you'll be perfectly happy staying home with your children.  No use complaining about it or getting offended.

We chose not to bring A on our honeymoon...but we still love her as much as any other parents love their kids.

It's such a gray area.  BUT I would never say you're a bad parent for going out and having fun once in a while, which is the opinion that has been presented to me several times over the past few days.  That a mother who doesn't allow her children to party with her is a mother who doesn't enjoy the company of her children or doesn't love her family?  That a mother must renounce all adult fun in exchange for the love of her kids?  As if there weren't room for both?  I'm not saying we should go out every other night and get tanked; as parents of course a priority shift occurs.  But complete fun-celibacy?

What's your take on it?  Do you totally forgo any event where your kids aren't allowed?  Do you enjoy the once-in-a-great-while night of 18+ fun?  Have you thrown an event where you requested no children, and why/why not?  What are the exceptions to the rule?