Prayers For the Boys...

...who are foolish enough to try and date my daughters.  A lot of parents talk about needing a shotgun to drive away the boys from their pretty girls.  I don't think we'll be needing such drastic measures.  I'm fairly certain our girls will be fully capable of driving away the unworthy all on their own.

I'll show the future boyfriends this to lull them into a false sense of security.
 (Photo courtesty of Jessica Krueger Photography, http://www.jessicakruegerphotography.com)

A?  She's going to be the most high-maintenance female once she hits- wait, she already is.  It's going to take a special man, one willing to listen to her as long as she wants to talk (and that will be quite a lot), one who can deal with a barrage of emotions and someone with stock in the kleenex industry because those tears come at least twice a day.

She's all rhinestones and glitter and pink and pixie.  Good luck.

On the topic of talking?  Two words.  Unlimited minutes.

"Shut up shut up omg it's him!"

She's already getting notes from the boys, one apologizing profusely for the mixup with a birthday party invite, he insists he will convince his mother to allow him 7 guests instead of just 6.

A has this way of tricking the boys into doing work for her; whoever he is, he better be prepared for her royal highness to lay around poolside while he tends to both the yard work and the cleaning.  If she DOES do chores, she appreciates something in return, so I hope his credit card has a high limit; every time she does dishes she'll probably want to reward herself with a new purse.  And yes, boys, she's one of THOSE girls.  She already owns over twenty purses and is daily asking for more.

Be ready to build her a bathroom of her very own, because her makeup and her bath goodies and her towels and her bathrobes already at the tender age of seven are taking over ours.

Calmly discussing relationship issues?  Forget it.  You're getting a girl who's going to stomp away, yelling and flailing her arms around in a fit of rage (somewhat similar to her mother...).  She might be willing to re-approach the topic during a less emotionally charged time, but more than likely she will gloss over it as if nothing had happened until you dare to bring it up again.  I can speak here from first-hand experience.

Yeah.  Good luck.

N?  She's crazy stuffed in a crazy basket sitting on a crazy shelf just daring you to tamper with her.  She is rough and tough and she needs no one.  Any boy that thinks he can get her to hang on his every word and look up at him all lovingly and adoringly, I can't even finish a sentence discussing this possibility because there is no way it's ever going to happen.  She doesn't even look at her dad that way.  N is self-sufficient and she is happy.

I hope you're a doctor or a lawyer; not so you can afford N, but so that you can keep up with her.  She'll be buying her own toys, thank you very much.  And they'll probably be expensive electronics; she has very rich tastes.

If you're looking for intimacy and closeness, keep moving.  She'll cuddle for a minute but she's far too busy to mess with such trivial, mortal needs.  She has a world to take over and only one lifetime with which to do it.  At two, she's already making the most of every minute she has.  She won't slow down for her parents, she probably won't slow down for you either.

She'll tell you how she feels.  No running away here, no tearful outbursts that require you chase her to a door that slams in your face.  You'll know what she thinks right when she thinks it.  Unlike the stereotype of the female who hopes you'll read her mind, N doesn't have time or patience for guessing games.  The only way to get what she wants is to tell you, loudly and clearly, which she already has down to a science.  Imagine how she'll be by the time we allow her to date.


Ha, allow her.  A) We might have to coax her into a relationship, since I can see her being so focused on her own pursuits that she'll forgo social activities.  B) There's no "allowing" her to do anything, when she wants to she will.

"I do as I please."

We don't yet know much about W, to offer you any warnings about her.  But we've told you enough about A and N that you can probably guess how easy they'll make it to get to their baby sister.  I always kind of hoped I'd have a boy first to protect my baby girls... but now I realize that N and A will take down any threat to their sister swiftly and with poise and freakin' grace.

That look is N daring you to come in between them.

They'll kick your ass and still look pretty afterwards.

If all of that still doesn't work... Papa does have guns and he taught their mom how to shoot.  They're sweet and trusting, smart and absolutely wonderful.  If any of my girls DO give you the time of day and you go and screw it up, remember that I've watched a lot of crime shows.  I've seen how to dispose of bodies and tamper with evidence, you'll never be found.