Yes Honey, Nick Jr. is Just Fine...

In this house, there's two channels: Netflix and Nick Jr.

And if Netflix is the option du jour, then you can bet we're still watching Lazytown or Sesame Street.  Monotonous?  Yes.  Do I find myself responding to Dora in sarcastic bitchy quips?  Every day.  Is my slightly inappropriate behavior rubbing off on my daughters?  Probably.  But I can't help it.  It's the only thing that pulls me through.

By making up my own lyrics to mumble along with Bo on the Go's opening theme, I'm reminding myself that my brain is not rotting to mush after several hours too many of television time, I've still got some neural pathways sparking, I'm still clever.  Now, I'd be lying of course if I didn't admit this next bit...the incentive to glancing over at the guest star bantering with Elmo.  See...when the kids go down for a nap...and mommy gets her 20 minutes to an hour and a half of alone time with which to clean the house play on Pinterest...there's nothing more alluring than...

That's right.  I google and Pinterest search every mildly attractive guest star/secretly hot children's show host we stumble across.  No shame here.  And for your viewing pleasure/ease, I've compiled a list of my favorites.

#5. Secret Agent Oso. 

 Ok fine.  He's animated.  And Disney.  How could I have possibly gleaned from only his voice the extent of his real life sexiness?  Uh, hello, Lord of the Rings?  The Goonies?  I KNEW that voice.

Sean Astin.  The second reason to watch Encino Man.  Now found on Disney Jr., making twenty minutes of mind numbing potential torture just a twee bit sweeter.  Predictable narration, back-to-back episodes that follow the same script each time with a handful of words changed; just close your eyes and imagine Samwise Gamgee detailing the three special steps to get to Mordor.  Or something.

Dat hair.

#4. Twist, The Fresh Beat Band.

If you haven't heard of this show, you either don't own a TV (that your child is aware of), you homeschool, or you plain and simple just don't have kids.  This show ranks a few notches below Dora and Diego on my tolerance scale.  Not only did I have to listen/watch these people sing and dance about Bananas and Operas for a solid half hour, but mixed into the commercial breaks are two minute Fresh Beat Band music videos. Hey, just in case you forgot they exist in between all these diaper and Nerf ads, here's another song to stick to your grey matter and taunt you throughout the day.  Yes.  Yes you WILL be mumbling, "shout it out! just like a rockstar!" while you make spaghetti later tonight.  I didn't need to look at the screen to know when they were coming on, N's cues warned me to brace myself.  And THIS guy, this guy in particular seriously ground my gears.  No one is that stupid, Twist. No one.  But then I saw how cute he was...ok...maybe...

Jon Beavers.  Stifled giggle.

And suddenly I'm reminded of every stupid, cute boy I went to highschool with.  I can put up with every dumb thing you say, if you keep looking at me like that.  I'm sure the guy is a brilliant, talented individual.  Which would make him looking like THAT even more cruel and unusual.

#3. Rich Collins, from the Imagination Movers.  

Top center. 

I'm sure the other dudes are pretty attractive off-the-set too.  But Rich...

He's like a tame Adam Levine.  He's like the soccer dad version of Adam Levine.  He's Adam Levine if Adam Levine all of a sudden had triplets (two girls, one boy...but I've never thought this through...) he needed to drop off with a mini van to their French immersion school.  Yes please.

#2. Steve, the former (and better) host of Blue's Clues.

Now, I don't know about you, but I get pretty passionate about the Steve vs. Joe debate.  Steve wins.  Hands down.  And not just because he looks like this:

But also because he tells me I look great.   He wears the same green shirt every episode, which is important.  Blue is always blue, right?  Well then why the hell can't Blue's owner always wear green?  And, what?  College?  Yet, there were no tears, no "you're my childhood friend, Blue.  How can I leave you behind?"  And Joe just steps in, all "Hey Blue, you're my dog now".  This does not sit right with me.  Alas, this particular post isn't about my hang ups and my abandonment issues tied to Steve disappearing to some unknown post-secondary institution.  No.  It's just that I totally dig old-school Blue's Clues and maybe, probably, usually do answer Steve's obvious questions sincerely and solemnly to help him figure out whatever it is Blue wants but is too much of a pain in the ass to come out straight and tell us.  Because, come on.  Look at him.

#1. Sportacus, Lazy Town.

Trust me on this one.  First of all, watch how this man moves and tell me your thoughts stay rated G.  Didn't think so.  Second of all, listen to him.  That accent?  I almost don't need to show you what he looks like outside of that ridiculous costume and without the creepy mustache, but I'm going to because you deserve to see it.

Oh, wait, that's not the right one.  Here it is...

Magnus Scheving.  Magnus.  Seriously.

This show could be aired in straight Icelandic and I would still watch it.  In fact sometimes I do.  Not only do you get Magnus, but there's also...

Oh. Nevermind.  Just forget I mentioned that.

Magnus Scheving created Lazytown, a show encouraging healthy habits such as exercise and nutritional food choices ("sports candy").  Iceland's "Athlete of the year" in aerobic gymnastics (like being the best hockey player in Mexico).  He's also a father of three, and a grandpa of two.  I'm a youngish mom of small children and I can't get my feet above my head like that.  Touché, pops.

And now, in parting, a challenge (a hope, an anticipation...): bring some more to the table!  I know I'm missing a few, so let's see who YOU hope to see whenever you turn on Nick Jr./the episode you fast forward to on Netflix!  Really, though, I just need more for the Pinterest board I have devoted to this very subject.  Go!